No Twizzler Play

How many of you like twizzlers? Maybe you like the black icky licorice, or maybe the cherry pull-in peels. Maybe the little bites. Or maybe the chocolate flavors, or the fruity flavors. Either way, strawberry twizzlers are the best of them all. They are long, not very thick, but full of nummy yummy flavor. Take it from me, they can also be very dangerous. I have almost had my eye poked out with being in a fight with them. They do have very sharp edges. OWW. You know you don't want to walk around looking like a pirate for the rest of your life. Arrrr. They make good straws too. Just bite the two ends, stick it in your coffee like I do. Maybe even your liquor(psst, it will make it quicker;)). Anywho that is almost all I can say about twizzlers...One more thing....Too save yourself an embaressing moment from going to the hospital....Don't stick them where it's warm, wet, and moist, they might break off and get stuck...It isn't very fun...I know from Experience. Sadly.

1 Martini too many

So did you party a little too hard this New Years? Could you have loosened up that tight tush of yours, and had at least a few more drinks? Well I am here to tell you, I had a little too much. Four blenders full of martinis, yeah it was a bit much. Well you don't feel too good the next morning. This is what I am here to tell.
It all started at the mall two days before New Years Eve. When I insisted on going to Macy's to buy some nice drinking glasses. Well as we looked and looked. We found Marth Stewart did a fine job creating the set of 4 martini glasses we found for only $20. What a steal Martha, Thank you! Well anywho, we bought the glasses, and who do you think we ran into while in the mall? Good Ol' Huckleberry Jess. We decided to take her in and invite her back with us. So we headed off home.
Well, as we get home, we do boring things. Nothing interesting to speak of. Well New Years Eve came around the corner the next day. We decided to start out at 4:30. I made the first set of the lime martini in the blender. Before we knew it, we made the strawberry, then the pina coloda, then last strawberry. By time they were gone, I was gone also. The rest of the night was kind ofa blurr. I did find out I wanted to jump on every one's pogo stick the next day. Well I woke up and went to the store. Nick and I decided to go stop and get something to eat. We got taco wraps. Well when I got home, I went straight into the bathroom. Well my lunch ended up in the toilet. How the hell does chewed lettuce go back to being a full piece? It's kinda like when you eat corn, then you look and see that there are full pieces of corn in your chocolate raisens? Weird huh? Well that is really about it. Those martinis really kicked my ass, and I wished I would had kept a tight tush like all you other straight edged people. Good for you. Stay sober so you don't have to see $20 of yours in the toilet!

Fast Food Fun

Do you go through the drive-thru? Do you walk in and take your food to go? Or do you walk in and decide to go sit at a table and stuff your face there? Well I have done all three. Tonight, I was there with a few loyal friends, my boy friend, and my dear ol' friend Jessica. Here I go, the little fatty I am get the angus burger meal, Nick gets two snack wraps and a large fry. Him and I decided to go find us a table. That is when Jess comes back.....The little small maggot she is, she has a southern style chicken sandwich, a ten piece nugget....and a double cheeseburger! I guess she is what she eats....MOOOOOO.........So anywho we are having a nice dinner conversation, as I continue to tell my dear friend she should get a vibrator. I even told her I would show her how to use it. If she only knew what that big explosion felt like she would be at my feet right now begging me. No instead she was too concerned snatching mine and Nicks fries, trying to find the burnt and squishy ones! Here is the kicker....She was determining that they were burnt or squishy by smelling them...Is there a scent that jumps off into your ear and says "I am a burnt fry"....or, "I am a nice soggy fry...eat me, eat me!" So then we got up and left, before she could eat down the entire restaurant. She was on the verge to stealing those poor little kids happy meals! So we got her out of there as fast as we could. So we went to the gas station, that's when we sent our slave Nick out to pump gas, when the guy says "You need to come in and pre-pay." Ok so he went in and of course I needed a cappachino....All the while he is in there getting my french vanilla, the guy from inside contines to say, "You need to come in and pre-pay." As Jess and I are staring at each other wondering what tree he is smoking, since our guinea pig is inside....Oh well.....Not everyone can have intelligence, like Oprah.

Summer time.

I smell it...that sweet burnt aroma...Oh summer time...My tongue can all ready taste it. MMM. I walk over to that big fat juicy thing. It is staring at me, as I stare it back in it's char coaled skin, and boiling juices, because of it's excitement to be the next eaten. I take one look at it, and bring it to my mouth. I take one big bite as the juices splatter all over my mouth. MMM. Can you guess what I am eating? Yeah that's right, a big juicy steak. I devour every inch and particle of it. Then I have the need to lick the plate clean. Ouch I got a paper cut from the paper plate..bad idea, but wait! What is that delicious smell I smell...I walk over to the smell where my nose leads me...I look down upon it...and notice how long and big and wide it is...I can't wait to just pick it up and put it in my mouth and have all the flavor burst into it...MMM that salty taste...MMM that buttery taste...I want more...but it's gone, leaving my mouth full of hairs stuck in between my teeth. Darn, where are the tooth picks? Oh no, my bablumpish grandmother took them, after she devoured that black banana...Oh how that corn on the cob, tasted so good, but I hate the left over's in my teeth! Oh how mad that mad mean old grandma can be. Especially when she tries feeding her grand daughters chicken wings from the garbage. I need an ambulance I am now dying of food poisioning.....That's how my summertime came to an end:(

Drive-in Funny Games!

How many of you horny little teens like to go to the drive-in, and sit in your car and make out, and let your bf or gf fondle your body? I bet most of you. Well I was just at the drive-in last night. Unfortunatly, I did non of that monkey business as fun as it would had been. Jess, Nick, and I went and waited about an hour and a half early before the gates opened. We had a great deal of time to entertain ourselves. Oh we did. We did other funny business at the drivin. We parked behind the scary herse. We chatted it up about fleas and ticks, and many other things. That was when I decided to give birth to Baby Bickles. You see Baby Bickles is a big jar of cheeseballs. Well Baby Bickles decided to spill his balls all over Jessica's lap. Oh how she just loved those cheesy balls sprawled all over her lap. She took those balls, and pressed them to her lips, and thought to herself.."Mmmm these balls taste so good, I could lick them all night." After her little ball affair, we went on about killer leaves slitting everyone's necks. Then I asked Nick, if he was getting a cone dog later. Well if only we really knew what a cone dog would consist of? So after the excited laughter of Jessica and I, Nick decided to leave the car to go check out the spooky herse as we heard a dead body moving around in there. So as he went to go risk his life by a zombie for Jess and I. Jess decided to sniff my arm and told me I smelled amazing. I told her I didn't know what the pleasant smell could be? She told me it's probably the dish soap that you washed it with. Oh how we laughed in excitement after her little mistake, almost to the fact we thought we might have an orgasm if we didn't stop the laughing. So we only had only 30 minutes left to wait before the gates opened, when a car pulled up behind us. Nothing really excited happened. Then 20 minutes came before the gate was about to open, when an obnoxious 450 pound man came and pulled up in front of us. Oh how people in this world can piss me off. So we waited and finally got in to the gates and parked. We went inside to get food. I got a cheeseburger with fries. Nick got a cone dog. Well Jess got a Kabasi. It was a big fat Kabasi, just how she loves it. She could barely get her lips around it, it was so big. But she devoured that like a little fat kid would with a cake. So after wards, we watched the scary, scary movies. When the first one was over we got to see that big hotdog hop into that nice bun opening. Oh it was amazing. Mmmm. Well nothing interesting more. Then last movie came on when I had decided I better go give the potty a drink. So as I went into the stall, I accidently broke the toilet seat off the hindge..Oops. That was really about it. We went home to snuggle in our beds, because we were sleepy little bugs. But let me tell you, I did have fun even though I didn't get to have my pants down in the back seat with a tongue down my throat.

Bologna

What's your favorite lunch meat? Is it ham? Is it turkey? Maybe it's roast beef or even salami? Or how about bologna? Everyone loves bologna. That nice round slab of meat, you can just eat, eat, eat. You can put it on your bread, you can eat it by hand. You can roll it, then maybe try to smoke it. There are other ways to eat bologna. You can put it on garlic bread and bake it, until the smell from the oven makes you run to the bathroom, to make you throw up chunks you ate earlier that day. Or it could be a halloween costume, you could bite holes for eyes, your nose, and mouth. Then put the bologna on your face, go out into the world and yell "I'm bologna man! Come "n" get me all you bologna lovers!" Yum, Yum. That's the power of bologna!

The Eyes From The Other Side...

Do you have a pet? Have you ever wondered what goes on in their head? What they think, or how they feel? I have a dog, he is a cairn terrier. His name is Billy Bob. He may be small but he does not think so at all. He may seem big and bad, but deep down he is a really sweet pupster. Sure a stranger walks in he has a growl and a meanful bark, but when you get to know him he is a cuddly little teddy bear.
A day with Billy Bob can be pretty tiring. He is far from a lazy lap dog. He likes to roam around like a mountain lion. He eats everything and anything that hits the ground. He is very playful. He does not like anything that is rubber or squeeks. For instance I bought him a rubber hamburger and hotdog, never has he touched them. I also bought him a stuffed lizard and a caterpillar, which both had squeekers, and as Billy Bob thinks to himself.."I hate squeekers and stuffing" he then tears them out like a ferocious beast. Oh how he loves his friends...But he doesn't love his stuffed friends like he loves his human friend named Nick....
As Nick describes his day with Billy Bob, Billy always greets Nick at the door. He is always so happy to see his buddy. After Nick spends a while with Bill, he decides to lay down. Nick can never have a peaceful nap without Billy always jumping on him and having a little fun! As Nick always tries to push him off, Billy always seems to get rougher and rougher. So when Nick does not let Bill do his thing, Billy then smells the aroma coming from the fat ass cat Lexi, where he seems to finish off what he started. How interesting it is to see. It must be nice to have an easy life of a dog. Oh Billy what a handsome dog you are....