The campfire that made me get lime disease.....

Do you like the outdoors? Do you like to camp? Like me maybe you like bonfires. Well when you get towards the ending to this story, you will think differently. I know I have. This not end in a funny way. It all started out as any ordinary day. The bird eggs were chirping. The rain was shining. And the sun was breezy. Dear Jess came over, she wanted to know if i wanted a bagel. Why yes I told her....I told her if i were lesbian and we weren't related I would make her my bitch. Well anyway she came on over. I had the yummy bagel. We decided that we should make a fire...So we then picked up guine pig, and went to the store. We got stuff to make smores and salt potatoes and some very flexible soft weenies. We decided to have a bon fire. So we went out to my woods, got some wood, because thats what usually grows in the woods. Thats when I saw "it". It was the staff that belonged to the grim reaper...So I grabbed it, and brought it back with me. Oh mighty one Jess was calling me. Oh hush I said. Go get hit in the face with some more wood. Oh but the wood isnt long or thick enough. Well then go find a big enough wood to slap in your face. As she happily accepted the wood to her cheek. In the meanwhile Im bending down in front of nick biting if flexible hot juicy tender weenie of his. I lay my mouth around it biting just the tip...MMM I say. Very tasty. I needed to finally go sit and pee so I went and I squat since I did not want to go all the way in my house....So after I went to check out all the big fat long pieces of wood in my yard...I noticed how thick they were, the rough texture of it....just staring at this long piece of wood, watching where it was going, it was just making me so hot, inside and out. We all conversed with one another...We got on a debate. We were wondering who spit, or who swallowed. Let's just ask? If you spit it is like throwing away your kids. You could spit them on an old hobo on the street, you could spit them into the pew at church. You could even spit them in a nasty bathroom stall with the shit still flaoting around in it....Then if you swallow, its like you are eating your kids....wouldn't that be like cannabalism? Just a thought. I know this is not all humored. It was meant to be humored, just wait til the end. So after the debate, we chit chatted about artichokes and snails. So Jess and Nick had to leave...Which left me with my brother. Lil did I know he was going to do something very nice for me that required my pants down. He decided to go to bed, as I decided I needed to pee. I went sat down on the potty, thats when I saw it......I thought it was a dead spider which was getting ready to make me horrified...Thats when I realized it was worse that a spider....It was a tick! As I screamed sitting on the toilet for tyler to come quick, as he thought it was a spider. This tick decided my thigh would make great chicken. This is how it came to be me pulling down my pants so he could take those handy dandy tweezers and pull that tick out, and it really hrut. So if you dont hear from me anymore....that means that tick got the best of me and Im bed ridden, with lime disease.

Elves who love tuna fish.

Apparently not all elves love cookies. I earlier heard, a little voice coming from down on the floor. "What is that?" I ask Jess? I don't know she says. Have you been eating more of them magick berries you picked outside? "No no jess not at all" I responed. I hear a little elf talking down here he is telling me to feed him. He wants some tuna fish! Feed me that fishy scent of tuna. MMM. I love that aroma the elf yelled. I am now told I'm crazy as she hits me in the head with a tampon. He needs the tuna jess, give him your tuna fish! I can't jess says. Gimme your damn tuna jess! I dont want to. The elf wants it jess, give it to him.....No I said no and no means no. Right now before i shove that dice up your nose. She finally gave in....so she then spread the buns apart....kneeled down and gave that elf her tuna fish sandwich.

Billy Bob the ferocious beast.

Oh I think I have mentioned Billy Bob before. The one about him and Lexi always getting it on. Well this is another post dedicated straight to my pupster. You see he really is a sweet dog. Sure he gets his share of ticks and fleas at times. All and all he is really good dog. He sleeps with me everynight. We share our ice cream, spaghettios, even that fresh morning brewed coffee.....Ahhh I can smell the aroma now...Oh wait thats my o sweet cup of orgasmic joe right here next to me...MMM.

Anywho back to Billy Bob....Sometimes he can be embaressing...Like when he is chasing Amish woman down the street, or yelling through the window at the big fat bald guy who tries his best. Even that running woman who he runs out and circles and growls for no reason, but she still manages to smile and call him a cutie pie. Oh thats Bill for you. He thinks he is bad to the bone...Like the other day there was a big vulture outside just walking my yard probably finding some mice or grasshoppers maybe even frogs for lunch. It was like today, a big fox came in my yard. You know and someone even owned this fox as a pet because he was wearing a collar. Unless that fox escaped the zoo but that is liek a long way to walk from here. Well so Bill saw this fox dog, and of course had to start in his bad ass instincts. "OWWWW OWWWW" Just like a howling wolf, until that fox trotted right back down my driveway down the road never to be seen again. Ohhh and the porcupines that dog thought he could take on, almost got his buddy porked in the face. TSK TSK. I won't even get into the wild goats, or the camels. Oh what a dog. But he is a really good best friend to the end!